My son

I have to take my son to court tom. We went to the beach and he was drinking. He tried walking with the cup and they arrested him. I never thought I would see my son get arrested.

He is only seventeen and he really doesn't even drink. He was just trying it. He said everyone started walking and before he knew it he was in handcuffs headed for the police station.

It took me 40 dollars to bail him out and he is looking at a 300 dollar fine. I don't know where we are going to come up with that kind of money. He does not seem to worried about it and I worry to much.

I worry so much that they put me on all kinds of medication. I take six pills a day. One for depression, one for anxiety and one for sleeping. I don't know if I will ever get off the medicine cause without it I am a wreck.

I could not afford to buy it one month and I was a mess. All I did was worry and cry. My sister took pity on me and let me borrow the money to get my medicine. I take it faithfully now and the only thing is I'm bored. My dr. still insists I'm depressed but I am more bored then depressed.

School starts in four days and then I will be happy again. I will be swamped with homework and I will get my student loans so I can pay my bills. I think life is too hard and sometimes I go out of my mind with worry.

No feeling left

At one point I thought I was falling for my daughters father again. That is over. I realized that I could never go back with him. There is too much water under the bridge.

Sometimes I dream that we will get back together and the fight for my daughter will be over but I know now that that is impossible. We have had to many fights and he has a fierce temper.

I guess I was just feeling lonely and he was here so I was thinking about things that could never be.

I wonder if I will ever get married. I have never been married and I am 46 years old. I have been asked to get married a few times in my life but it never felt right to me. Either they drank to much and they all alegedly beat me so who would want to marry that.

I feel like my time will never come. The only thing I have to hold onto is my children. I can't wait for the day when they are all grown and have families of their own. Then I can die in peace.

Sleep overs

It is getting harder now. School is starting so my x has not been letting my daughter sleep here during the week. He takes her to his house so he can get her in the routine of going to bed on time and getting up early.

My daughter cries in my arms whenever she has to leave. Then I cry all night because I miss her so much. I try to go to bed early because he brings her back the next morning but I spend the time tossing and turning.

She slept over lastnight and she insists on sleeping in the same bed as me. We fall asleep with the TV on. She always jumps on me and snuggles in my arms. I can tell she really misses me.

This is going to be a hard time having to send her home everynight. She only gets to sleep over one night on the weekends. For a nine year old and her mom that just is not enough.

The justice system has nothing to do with justice. I still hold to the fact that the one with the most money wins.

Bills

It is so difficult to be a single parent who doesn't get child support. Like right now. All my bills are paid but I don't have a dollar to my name. I want to take my children out to do something but we don't even have gas in the car.

I lost my part time job so I am really worried where our next meal is coming from. For instance right now I have not eaten because we have no bread. I have a piece of toast every morning.

I thank god that I have cereal for the kids and milk other wise they would be going hungry. We went without meat for three weeks last month. My children thought it was because I didn't want to cook but it was really because I didn't have the money to buy us real suppers.

The church comes by once a month and brings me food. They give me things like cereal and things the children will eat but I don't like any of that stuff.

What I do is wait until I'm really hungry and then eat real fast so I don't taste what I am eating. My children like what they are eating so that is all that matters to me.

I see their fathers all the time and i'm sure if I asked my daughters father to borrow some money he would let me, but i'm too embarassed. He is very well off and works hard for a living and doesn't understand why I went back to college because I am so broke.

I only have one semester left and then I will beable to find a job and get back to having money again.

Birthday party

My daughters' father is being very nice. My daughter just turned nine years old. He had my whole family over his house for a party.

He bought pizza, cake and all the drinks. We had a good time celebrating her party.

Now I am by myself and I find myself wondering where we went wrong. I find myself really liking him again and wondering if things could ever work out between us. I guess this is what they call the honeymoon stage.

Worry

This whole summer I have been worried about money. I picked up a couple of cleaning jobs but I put my son on my car insurance and it is expensive.

What I do when I worry I drive. This summer I had a twenty a dollar day habit.

I would get in my car buy a pack of cigarettes and a coffee and put ten bucks in the tank and then I would just drive.

I know every block around my house. I drove around in circles this summer. I had to get in the car and drive. I could not just sit here. Any time not doing anything and I would have to get my keys get my coffee and continue the circle.

It has not warn off yet because school has not started. I still have about a week before I am back in classes and up to my neck in homework. I'm looking forward to that right now.

Plus I get my student loans and that is a big help with my finances. I worry all the time about my bills and my future.

Movie night

We also have movie night. My son use to join in but he doesn't anymore.

What we do is pick a movie that we already have here. We have a ton of them because I use to collect movies. Then my daughter makes popcorn and she pours me and her a pepsi on ice. We share one.

Then me and my daughter sit here and have movie night together. We ususally do it on friday nights but we always do it. We have been having movie night for about a year now.

Even through the school year we do it. In fact we have not done it much this summer cause I let my daughter stay up late every night and we have shows we watch.

Now that school is coming back we will go back to movie night I hope. That is one of my daughters favorite nights.

Karate

My daughter's father got a free month to a Karate school and we have been taking her there twice a week.

We go as a family and we sit and watch as she learns a series of kicks and punches.

I'm blogging on this because Derek just signed her up for a full membership tonight. She can go to two classes a week and they take one hundred dollars a month out of his checking account. I miss having money.

He is willing to pay for it and has the money. So all the things I have been saying are confirmed. I am glad he provides for my daughter even though he doesn't help me out. I would only ask for fifty dollars a week.

We also go as a family so I am watching what I am saying and getting along quite nicely with him. We sit and watch our daughter together, once he took me out for coffee. He has offered to buy me soda's before the practices.

These are still the struggles. Now I think I am starting to see the things I use to l ove about him and he does flirt with me a little. It would take a pretty big bridge to cover the water but it would be nice if we could get back together for my daughter.

I know it will never happen, but for the first time in five years I am starting to get along with him and a little nastalga is kicking in. It would never happen but I must admit sometimes I do wish things would have worked out between us. It took me five years to get here. The struggles they have caused me. I wonder if he will ever cause me the stress he has in the past. I pray everyday we stay friends.

Seventeen

My son the one on the right is seventeen now. He no longer feels like he has to answer to me.

Ever since the summer started it has gotten worse. Lastnight he slept out all night and didn't even call and this is not the first time.

I always explain to him how worried I was and that I have no choice to call the police or hospitals if I don't have his friends phone numbers. He wrote his girlfriends number out for me a while ago and today it took me four tries because of how sloppy he wrote it.

I got some numbers from her and located him. He was on his way home and his cell phone broke lastnight. He has no answer as to why he couldn't use a friends.

He keeps asking me if I was really that worried. I keep trying to explain to him that even when he says he is going to be home at 9 and doesn't come home til 12 I worry.

I guess it is something he refuses to get. He feels like he is a man now and he is just burning up time living here til he goes off to college. He has one more year left of highschool.

Well I love my son and other then that he is pretty responsible. He does chores when I ask him too most times and he never disrespects me. He has held down a job for over a year now and they like him.

I sometimes have heart attacks sitting here wondering where he is. Latley he has been keeping me in the loop by texting. The other part of it is his friends spend most of their time here latley. He use to sleep out a lot more then he has been. Lastnight was the first time in a long time and he didn't even call me.

I open his door every morning to either check how many kids slept over or if he is even in there.

Getting the bills paid

All through motherhood I wondered how the bills will get paid. When you are working and struggling it is hard to see where ends are going to meet.

Some how through the years no matter how much I worry I have paid my bills. It has been 17 years now that I have been a single parent and a day has not gone by where I didn't worry if we were going to make it.

As the years went on and then my daughter was born the worry increased.

But now I see we are making it. Right now I am only working part time and money is really tight. I worry constantly if I am going to finish college or have to go back to work instead.

So far though I have been getting by. I decided to make a career change and I never saw that money was going to be this tight but we seem to be making it.

I feel good when I get all the bills paid and there is food in the refrigerator. Last month we went without meat for three weeks. This month we have recovered and there is meet in the freezer and in the oven.

I feel good when I am paying my bills. Are there any people out there that worry constantly like me?

Happy

I'm so happy I am finally not hating my daughters father that I have to blog about it again.

It feels so good to look at him while he is talking and want to hear what he is saying. It feels good to be in a conversation with him.

I realized we both want what is best for my daughter and he really doesn't mean any ill will toward me. My daughter is better off spending the school nights at his house. He is much better at getting her to bed and then off to school in the morning. I have to admit that.

So right now I am confident in the decision I made in court to let him just have the physical custody. I see my daughter everyday and she sleeps over all summer. She comes over after school and just sleeps at his house at night. I still feed her dinner, get her showers and do homework with her.

So I am not going to feel any ill will toward her father anymore. I hope we can continue on this way for the rest of our lives.

We still do things as a family like walks and bike rides, different things like that and I think that is also good for my daughter.

Money

I just have to report that I actually got some money off my sons father. It was only 25 dollars but it is a start.

My sons father has not given me child support in five years. I have reported him to DOR several times and they have not done a thing. The last phone call I got from them I was told that I had to come up with his address or I was out of luck. They actually told me that my son will be turning 18 soon and they can't do anything. I asked them about back support and they said I needed a court order.

Well DOR is suppose to be the ones who get you the court order. I feel like it is all pretty hopeless now and I will just struggle on as a single parent.

I guess I will be grateful if he buys my son a new pair of sneakers for school this year and at this point it is the most I can hope for.

25 dollars was a slap in the face. Don't forget this is a man who makes more then 50 thousand a year.

Welfare haters.

I just want to put a post out there to all the people who grumble about welfare. You know a lot of those people getting assistance are just as hard working as you are. They have paid into the system all their lives to and if they need it sometime it is there money too.

Not many people escape paying taxes. Everyone pays them. So why must you grumble about people who sometimes need help. People are not allowed to stay on welfare all their lives. They have checks and balances in place.

I am so sick of people who complain about welfare, fuel assistance and food stamps.

I was just driving home along the river and my brother pointed out people all along the river who live in tents. Does that make you grumblers feel better. Would you rather your taxes be a little higher so we can house those people or would you rather have your taxes lower so you can add to the children starving in the streets?

I just want to say you sicken me. I would rather have higher taxes. I could write on this subject forever but I don't think you would appreciate my comments.

We don't get along

Just the opposite is with my sons father. It is so hard to get along with him like you would not believe.

First of all when you call or see him you never know what guy your going to get. The mean and nasty one or the charming one.

Mostly I get the mean and nasty one especially when I ask for money. I still bite my tongue and don't let him bait me into arguments anymore. It is not easy.

We have to fight him on everything. He thinks family weddings are more important then bills.

Right now I am trying to get money off him and he won't give me his address. I was suppose to meet him for five days now. He keeps putting it off and not answering my calls and making it very difficult.

The only thing I have is my daughters father. I may be facing some real financial trouble and He has told me if it comes to that he will help me for a month or two.

So I guess you can get along with some people but others are just impossible. Does anyone have any tips on how to locate someone's address, I already tried to google him, they are not recent.

We get along

I decided with my children's father to drop the sword. I figure I have been getting along without their support for this long why worry.

It has been working well with me and my daugthers father. Not only are we getting along but we do a lot of things together.

All through the summer we have been taking her bike riding, to the lake, on walks. We went to the mall together and got her ears pierced and her hair cut.

He has been being very nice to me, buying me coffees inviting me along to birthday parties she gets invited to. He even took me out for lunch.

Yesterday we had her nine year old birthday party at his house. I spent all day there with him into the night.

I hate to admit it, but a part of me is starting to see the man I use to love. Plus I must admit, that even though he doesn't help me out with money my daughter has everything and he is and excellent father. He provides well for her.

The beach

When your a single mom you come up with things to do with your children that don't cost a lot of money. Unless you get child support.

One thing we did was visit my sisters cabin on the beach. She made it a wonderful time. Her and I sat in chairs on the edge of the shore and watched as my children played.

Christian dove in and rode the waves with his cousins and Faith dove in and did the same. She had a boogie board so we all kept a close eye on her while she stayed hip deep and rode it to shore.

The laughs and smiles on my childrens faces made all my cares go away. I didn't worry that the electric bill was over due or that their fathers didn't respect me. It was all about their laughs and their smiles.

I love my children beyond believe.

We went back to the cottage and had something to eat and then we all as a family walked down to see the fireworks. We sat and watched as the sky exploded into colors. Then we walked the shore back to the cabin and talked.

When I am old and gray I will remember these times and not the struggles.

Without money

This has been a rough summer because I have not had a lot of money.

The things I ended up doing with my daughter involved different things you can do for free.

Like we went on a lot of walks. I took her swimming at the local beach. We went to grandma's for a dip in her pool. We went to all the local parks. My sister got a cabin right on the beach so we went up there for a night. My son came with us on that trip.

My son is seventeen now so he doesn't want to do much with me. There are some things he will join in, like the beach trip and I had to talk him into that.

So the summer is almost over and school will be starting soon. All and all they did a lot this summer. The things I couldn't do with them like take them out to eat they went with their fathers.

Their fathers didn't really take them on any real extravagant trips either, things are getting way to expensive.

The most expensive thing I did with them is take them to the beach and that only cost me gas money. We didn't shop the stores we went on the beach and then watched the fireworks. We spent a whole day and night there and that was our summer vacation and we had a good time.

We return to court

When we returned to court I just couldn't do it anymore. Derek had every intention of keeping up the supervised visits. My mother had already informed me that she was no longer doing them after this court date. That would mean I would not see my daughter at all. Keep in mind I just got out of the hospital.

He has his lawyer there and they were planning on going in there and ripping me apart like they did the last time. I had lost custody of my son for seven years and it was all because he had and expensive attorney that could really work the court. It was horrible.

Sitting in the hall outside the court houses and offices I just couldn't do it anymore. I gave into my x.

He took full custody of my daughter. I see her everyday after school and she sleeps at his house during the school week. We share the weekends. So we still share her equally. He just wanted it in writing that he has physical custody, so I gave it to him.

I still have Joint Legal. Does the courts really think they are fair? I would like to take a poll of anyone that has been in a custody battle and ask you did you think it was fair?

I was in the hospital.

While I was in the hospital my daughters father took custody.

It was a long serious of court dates where he got them to supervise my visits. My mother had to come and sit in my house for three hours three times a week. That is the only time I got to see my daughter.

The judge also ordered a physciatric evaluation on me and they were assigning a court officer to come to our houses and do a whole investigation on us.

This is how it continued for five weeks. They believed my x when he told a bunch of lies about me and I ended up walking out before the judge was finished.

So for five weeks I picked my mother up and she sat here while I tried to visit with my daughter. We were all very depressed and not happy that this had happened.

I could see the long arm of the law reaching into my life like it did with my son and I was dieing on the inside. I became very desperate.

Has anyone ever found themselves in such turmoil that they don't know which way to turn?

How It Turned Out

Well my x and I have been doing things together with my daughter. I am going out of my mind with boredom so I started suggesting we get together on the weekends.

So now we are doing family things together. We have taken my daughter to the book store. We took her Roller Skating and to the park. We took her to the bike trail where she rode her new bike he got her. He paid almost $400 for it and doesn't pay me a dime in child support.

We go back to court on Monday. I asked him if we could go back to the way things were before, where I didn't need a supervisor with my daughter. He could make this battle last for years. He said he didn't have a problem with it but he needed to talk to his lawyer. So I know the lawyer is just going to milk it for more money.

I am physically and emotionally drained. I'm hanging on by a thread. I don't know what to do with myself half the time. It has been one month and a week since this has been going on.

Now I have to spend time with them together and I have to watch every word I say and make sure I act perfect. I am really a nice person. I am not mean or out to hurt anyone but that is not the way these guys see it. Not by what they claim in court.

Anyway that is what I have been dealing with as a single parent. Is there anyone out there that can relate to my situation?

Your children grow

My son is a joy to have around. When he was twelve he walked into the court and said he wanted to live with me. Since he has been back he has been a joy to have around.

He will be seventeen in a week and he has grown to be such a man. He is still very young though.

He makes me very proud. He has always been on the Football Team and Basketball Team in school. He just won an award for most improved player when he joined the Swim Team this year. He lettered and everything. I was never so proud as when he recieved that award. He has made me awful proud in the past. When he played football and basketball but that was my proudest sports moment for him.

He is also very helpful when my x's are giving me a hard time. He hears the way they talk to me and watches what they do and he is not stupid. He is always on my side and tells me to relax. He gave up trying to make me quit cigarettes. I have quit many times but as soon as and x will start I reach for the cigarettes.

He knows that is the only thing I do. I am a dedicated single mother. I am in college full time to earn my bachelor's in Professional Writing. I have a minor in Secondary Education just about and I also have and associates in General Studies.

I stay home and do the cooking and the cleaning. I am here when they leave for school and here when they come home. I am a dedicated mother.

I have also picked up a couple jobs cleaning and I am expanding that until I can graduate next semester then I get to look for and office job or maybe finish my books I have written. Who knows.

All I know is my son supports me in all this stuff. It was him who helped me decide to change my major to Professional Writing. It is him who comes food shopping with me all the time. It is him I go to when I need to borrow a couple of bucks and he always has it.

He works too. He has had a job at Roller Kingdom now for over a year. He got his permit the day he turned the right age. He payed for his own drivers ed and is now going for his liscense.

He makes me so proud and is always here for me. Some day my daughter will be old enough to do the same thing.

It's the control

Thank the lord above that my x agreed to let my mother do it. Otherwise we were to split the cost and it is 40 and hour. For supervised visits that is.

Mon-Wens-Fri my mother has to sit here from 3:30 til 7:30 while I visit with my daughter. Only that is not how it ended up working out. He didn't get here til almost four every day and as soon as I asked him to help me with the driving he started to pick her up at 7:00. We have to drive half way to pick my mohter up. She only drives halfway then I go meet her, pick her up and then he started dropping her off. After I was doing all of it for a solid few weeks.

Plus I was suppose to be getting her off the bus, but he wouldn't let me. He picks her up off the bus takes her home, removes all her homework from her bag, I haven't seen it in weeks, and then brings her here. He comes in and talks and sometimes it is hard to get rid of him. See it is not the childs attention they want they have that. It is the power over you they crave. If your x is anything like mine, read into this what you will.

I have chosen three men in a row who have done things to me that I can't prove so I'm not allowed to say them. You can draw your own conclusion on how far they have gone. Let's just say that I get Social Security because I have a condition called Post Traumatic Stress. My doctors say that my whole life I lived in a war zone. From my childhood on because of this war zone my doctors believe that my mind and body are battered beyond repair.

I have several Dr's. the only thing that maintains me now is medicine. When I am under attack I have to take medicine for my nerves. When everything is going fine I am okay without it. My physical body, some things I can't do anymore. Places on my body will hurt at certain times. I have medical conditions that have actually kept me back for about four years. It just all caught up with me. Especially in my body. My mind is fine. I take medicine to calm my nerves and to sleep at night other wise I would constantly be thinking about my daughter and reliving that day in court. It is my physical body that is the problem.

It is the control that people want over you. I can't point out anyone specific and I can only legally say some things. I could get sued if I ever accused anyone of anything and couldn't prove it. I have every right to say what the Dr's have said.

Take a look at who I am. I am just a loving single parent who is trying to provide a safe and happy home for my children.

I lost custody

Take it from someone who has been through the ringer. Loosing custody of one of your children is devastating.

This is my second child that I have lost in a custody battle. My sons father did this to me when my son was just six. Now my daughter's father just walked into the court and took away physical custody. All cause he bought a lawyer.

It is a long story about the custody issues we have been facing and if you haven't been following my blog, you won't know that this was retaliation for when I kept my daughter here. It was the night he wanted to take her and she didn't want to go so I called the cops and they allowed her to stay.

Shortly after that he went into the court with a lawyer and said that I threatened to leave the state with my daughter and he smelled pot when he came over. He also said that I would act funny when he was here like move things around to different tables. I swear that was what he said.

I went in without a lawyer under the impression that everything was alright. He was getting along with me to my face, and we were suppose to drive to court to give me back physical custody from my hospital stay.

I will never drive to court with him again. He started this huge fight with me on the way in and had me all upset when we got in the court. He didn't tell me he had a lawyer waiting til we were half way there. It took us two hours in traffic then I had to drive home with him.

I still have joint legal custody but he is a sly one. The judge let him keep physical custody and I had to have supervised visits with my daughter. I was fit to be tied and walked out on the judge while he was still talking.

Like I said this happened to me with my son. A good lawyer can buy you anything in court. I lost my son for six years until he was twelve and he walked in the court himself and said he wanted to come live home with me.

don't bad mouth

No matter how bad your x is or was you should never talk bad about them in front of your children. The thing your x doesn't consider is your children are not stupid and they do grow up.
If you are bad mouthing your x your children will focus on that. If you let them do what they do and try to ignore them the best you can your better off.
My son's father did a lot to me. I never thought my son would understand. He is only sixteen and he has been on my side for years now. He sees the way his father treats me and his father is the one who looks bad. My son asks me how I can forgive his father after all he has done. I tell him because he is your father and that is the only reason.
I try to stay positive and never bad mouth his father. I use to but it didn't pay off. I find that my son is old enough to think for himself and can see what is going on. He knows his father doesn't pay me child support and he has little respect for his father. He is a teenager now and he spends most of his time with his friends. He doesn't go out of his way to see his father. That is because he is old enough to think for himself without me saying a word.
I try to defend his father, don't ask me why. I don't have to bad mouth him my son sees and hears everything now. When something happens between me and his father my son will ask me my side of the story and then he makes his own call.
All I know is my son spends time with me he doesn't with his father very often.

Attention

You have to be careful about what you say. If you have and x that was bad to you they will use whatever you say against you. It is like they have nothing else to live for.
If you have and x that won't leave you alone you have real trouble. If you have children with them it is even worse. They never got over you.
So they are like little children. They want any attention they can get. They will use your children to get back at you. They don't care how it is hurting your children. As long as they have your attention. They only think about themselves and this can be fatal.
You really have to be careful about what you say or do around them. They are still in love with you so they are going over every word you say. They will cause fights with you as long as they have your attention.

appear in court

If you get a summons to appear in court and know your x is not going you could win by default. I have a custody issue now where my son lives with me. His father tried to take him but my son came back to me. My son is of legal age to live with me. We have a court action and I know my x is not going to show up. the judge could rule in favor of me and cancel the case. If the other party gives up there is nothing left to fight over.

If I didn't go the case would get continued to another date. Do you know the frustrations there are when it is continued. Just more legal jargan and paperwork and having to put up with the system. It can get crazy.

This is me and my son at a fair. He is trying to climb a funny ladder and made it up once. We share a lot. My son and I have remained close through it all.

I have always continued to fight for my children, no matter how bad it gets. We take many outings like these. The reward is well worth it with you kids by your side.

spending time

If You get along with you x you should always try to spend time together with your children. Even if your x was bad to you it never hurts to try to get along for the kids sakes.

Her I am at a zoo with my son and daughter and my x. We spend time together as a family whenever we can. We have a custody battle raging on that he started and I'm loosing and I still invited him to Thanksgiving and he came.

We were just at a birtday party at my brother Glenn's Saturday. I have a lot of issues with my x and he has done a LOT of things to me that I can't prove. He is now claiming to the court that i'm an unfit mother but I think of my child.

I find it more important that she see her cousin rather then whatever Derek is saying about me now come between that. Ask your self can you grin and bare it?


It is important to show your daughter and sons that we all do the best we can. We should always be positive and get along as best we can. We are not all perfect, being a parent is not a perscription for perfect I believe we should all just try to get along as a family.

Watch What You Say

You have to be very careful about what you say to your x. They can go into court and accuse you of all kinds of things and get temporary custody of your children. From experience I know that I have been accused of smoking pot and crack and the court handed my children over to my x.
The best way to avoid this is to not fall into a trap. Do not talk to them about anything in your personel life. When they pick up your children do not let them in your house have them wait at the door.
They will use your children against you if they can. They can walk into court and accuse you of anything. If they catch you off gaurd you will find yourself at a visitation center, being drug tested and having a phys. evalutation. So never let them in on your personel life.
Keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself. Don't fight with them. Remember the law is not always on your side. The courts might be leaning toward giving the fathers more say then they deserve.
The court is allegedly frowning on women with Post Traumatic Stress and are adding to your illness by handing your kids over to your x. The defense has been used to many times and the courts might not want to hear it anymore. Keep records and recordings of all your contact with you x and you will beable to defend yourself when they lie about you. Otherwise you will be their victims again and again.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Your Children Have A Say

A lot of single parents struggle with letting their children go with the other parent. Few know that your children have a say. It does not matter if you have sole custody or joint custody, if your child does not want to go you don't have to make them.
No matter what the court decides on visitation when the time comes if your child does not want to go you don't have to send them. Simply call the police and explain to them that your child does not want to go with the other parent. The police will come over and check and make sure the child is safe in your house and they tell the other parent to take it up with the court.
If your child insists on not visiting the other parent, when you get to court let the judge know. The judge will order that the other parent will need to see the child in a supervised visitation center. The court will listen to you and bring as many facts with you as you can.
Keep records of how your child acts when it is time for a visit. Record conversations between you and your childs other parent. Remember the court is always there for the benefit of your child. You can go into the court anytime and get and emergency injunction if you think your child is in danger with the other parent. They will listen to you and order supervised visits.

A Day In A Life

Me and my children several Christmas's ago.

Joint Custody

If you share joint custody with your x you must have a hobby. I would first suggest to any woman who has suffered any kind of abuse to find a meeting. Attending meetings is the best thing in the world to relize you are not alone. You can learn so much from other women and the professional who will be running the meeting on how to cope with a former batterer. Most of them will try to hurt us through our children.
Next you should take up a hobby. When my daughter is not here I go through empty nest syndrome everytime. I sometimes sit like a zoombie until she returns. I have learned to keep my mind busy. I focus on my homework, or work on different crafts.
I plan these things for when my daughter is not with me so that when she is everything else is done. That way when she is here I can focus fully on her. That way our time apart if it is a long weekend, I can recall plenty of memories to mind of what we did while she was here.
I bake with her and read. We play games and talk. She likes me to message her and do her toes. I make sure that I don't waste the time we have together. Her return seems to always just pick up where we left off and the pain in my chest is gone.
So find a meeting and find a hobby. Always calmly question your children and stay calm when they answer. This way you will keep and open relationship with them and they will tell you everything that goes on when they are not with you.

Staying Calm Pays Off

I heard from my sons father again. He tried to steer the conversation in and argumentative direction but I just kept changing the subject. He is missing his son and has promised to return the laptop this weekend. I also tried to talk him into giving us child support and he agreed. He has agreed before and has not come through now for almost five years. I am confident that someday he will start paying me. If he does not I do not count on anything from him. I am trying to earn more money to replace my sons laptop but it would be nice if his father does return it. For now I let my son use my daughters computer. It is small and slow but he is still getting his school work done. I reminded his father that his son will be going off to college soon and we should all let by gones be by gones. So far he has agreed. He is a touchy one. One false word and the house of cards could fall. I still continue to stay calm and end the conversation nicely if he can't let a subject go. He is in a good mood because he is working again. I pray it lasts. Until he explodes again we will hang on tight to the hope that he keeps his word. He is not known for it.

You Still Have to Smile

My son is growing up now and he has had his share of run ins with his father. They have stayed mad at each other over a lot of things. I always have to smooth things over. Like the lap top His father won't give my son back. They have not talked in over three months. I called his father to smooth things over and play like I wasn't upset because I knew it would get him to call his son. My son was rather angry and asked me how I of all people could forgive him since he does worse to me. I told him it was because he was your father. I told him we all try our best and even though your father does a lot of immature things he is still your father. I know his father is messed up and that doesn't mean my son is going anywhere with him until that lap top is returned (or I replace it), but I still can't bare the thought of my son missing the art of forgiveness. Once my son is on his own I hope he finds it in his heart to stay strong and forgive us both for creating a situation that for my son becomes impossible to bare sometimes.

Getting Child Support

If you are a single parent still struggling to get child support progress is being made. Call the Probate Court nearest you and see if they have a DOR office right in the building. If you have a court order bring it right to them and they will take action right away. If not bring as much information you have on the parent you are trying to get support from. They will help you track him down and get you a court date for support. It is best to go into the office then to try and go through the mail or Transitional Assistance. They work much faster if you can find and office.

Justice For Single mothers.

How do fathers get away with what they do? I am a single mother of two and don’t get child support for either one of my children. I work and pay taxes but still I am considered white trash because I had to apply for food stamps and fuel assistance. I have had people go off about the free things I get and how they would run things different. I figure it is why I pay taxes.
If I got child support I wouldn’t need these things. I applied to the DOR for child support four years ago I have not seen a dime. Just a lot of mail and information they want that I don’t have on my x.
I have a son sixteen and eight year old daughter. He is suppose to be paying me $80 dollars a week but just doesn’t. Do you know how hard it is to petition the court? Both these men can afford lawyers.
They both live in their own houses and can afford to take my children places. I pay more for my rent then they do their mortgages.
You can’t even walk in a lawyer’s office for under $1,500. My daughter’s father claims he doesn’t have to pay me do to some loophole in our original agreement where we have joint custody. I made a counterclaim and his lawyer just pulled it from the court. He only got joint custody so he could get out of paying me. He wanted me to get an abortion and then didn’t tell anyone about our daughter until I asked for financial help. If you can make it without the financial help, don't ask for it, they will make you pay in so many other ways.
How can we fix this injustice?