Watch What You Say

You have to be very careful about what you say to your x. They can go into court and accuse you of all kinds of things and get temporary custody of your children. From experience I know that I have been accused of smoking pot and crack and the court handed my children over to my x.
The best way to avoid this is to not fall into a trap. Do not talk to them about anything in your personel life. When they pick up your children do not let them in your house have them wait at the door.
They will use your children against you if they can. They can walk into court and accuse you of anything. If they catch you off gaurd you will find yourself at a visitation center, being drug tested and having a phys. evalutation. So never let them in on your personel life.
Keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself. Don't fight with them. Remember the law is not always on your side. The courts might be leaning toward giving the fathers more say then they deserve.
The court is allegedly frowning on women with Post Traumatic Stress and are adding to your illness by handing your kids over to your x. The defense has been used to many times and the courts might not want to hear it anymore. Keep records and recordings of all your contact with you x and you will beable to defend yourself when they lie about you. Otherwise you will be their victims again and again.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Your Children Have A Say

A lot of single parents struggle with letting their children go with the other parent. Few know that your children have a say. It does not matter if you have sole custody or joint custody, if your child does not want to go you don't have to make them.
No matter what the court decides on visitation when the time comes if your child does not want to go you don't have to send them. Simply call the police and explain to them that your child does not want to go with the other parent. The police will come over and check and make sure the child is safe in your house and they tell the other parent to take it up with the court.
If your child insists on not visiting the other parent, when you get to court let the judge know. The judge will order that the other parent will need to see the child in a supervised visitation center. The court will listen to you and bring as many facts with you as you can.
Keep records of how your child acts when it is time for a visit. Record conversations between you and your childs other parent. Remember the court is always there for the benefit of your child. You can go into the court anytime and get and emergency injunction if you think your child is in danger with the other parent. They will listen to you and order supervised visits.

A Day In A Life

Me and my children several Christmas's ago.

Joint Custody

If you share joint custody with your x you must have a hobby. I would first suggest to any woman who has suffered any kind of abuse to find a meeting. Attending meetings is the best thing in the world to relize you are not alone. You can learn so much from other women and the professional who will be running the meeting on how to cope with a former batterer. Most of them will try to hurt us through our children.
Next you should take up a hobby. When my daughter is not here I go through empty nest syndrome everytime. I sometimes sit like a zoombie until she returns. I have learned to keep my mind busy. I focus on my homework, or work on different crafts.
I plan these things for when my daughter is not with me so that when she is everything else is done. That way when she is here I can focus fully on her. That way our time apart if it is a long weekend, I can recall plenty of memories to mind of what we did while she was here.
I bake with her and read. We play games and talk. She likes me to message her and do her toes. I make sure that I don't waste the time we have together. Her return seems to always just pick up where we left off and the pain in my chest is gone.
So find a meeting and find a hobby. Always calmly question your children and stay calm when they answer. This way you will keep and open relationship with them and they will tell you everything that goes on when they are not with you.

Staying Calm Pays Off

I heard from my sons father again. He tried to steer the conversation in and argumentative direction but I just kept changing the subject. He is missing his son and has promised to return the laptop this weekend. I also tried to talk him into giving us child support and he agreed. He has agreed before and has not come through now for almost five years. I am confident that someday he will start paying me. If he does not I do not count on anything from him. I am trying to earn more money to replace my sons laptop but it would be nice if his father does return it. For now I let my son use my daughters computer. It is small and slow but he is still getting his school work done. I reminded his father that his son will be going off to college soon and we should all let by gones be by gones. So far he has agreed. He is a touchy one. One false word and the house of cards could fall. I still continue to stay calm and end the conversation nicely if he can't let a subject go. He is in a good mood because he is working again. I pray it lasts. Until he explodes again we will hang on tight to the hope that he keeps his word. He is not known for it.

You Still Have to Smile

My son is growing up now and he has had his share of run ins with his father. They have stayed mad at each other over a lot of things. I always have to smooth things over. Like the lap top His father won't give my son back. They have not talked in over three months. I called his father to smooth things over and play like I wasn't upset because I knew it would get him to call his son. My son was rather angry and asked me how I of all people could forgive him since he does worse to me. I told him it was because he was your father. I told him we all try our best and even though your father does a lot of immature things he is still your father. I know his father is messed up and that doesn't mean my son is going anywhere with him until that lap top is returned (or I replace it), but I still can't bare the thought of my son missing the art of forgiveness. Once my son is on his own I hope he finds it in his heart to stay strong and forgive us both for creating a situation that for my son becomes impossible to bare sometimes.

Getting Child Support

If you are a single parent still struggling to get child support progress is being made. Call the Probate Court nearest you and see if they have a DOR office right in the building. If you have a court order bring it right to them and they will take action right away. If not bring as much information you have on the parent you are trying to get support from. They will help you track him down and get you a court date for support. It is best to go into the office then to try and go through the mail or Transitional Assistance. They work much faster if you can find and office.